Log in

No account? Create an account
14 October 2008 @ 12:19 pm
 So far so good.
Since yesterday i lost
3 more pounds
18 in total
fasting works.

This is day 2 in my fasting period
and so is the last day 
and 1 thing that makes me nervous 
is that tommorrow is my grandma's
b-day and she is expecting me to eat.
I'm like"i will" and in fact i'll eat dinner
nothing else, but thursday i'm going to fast
and friday i'll eat 500 cals.

I hate when my grandma start w/ the
"you haven't eaten today and blah blah"
i don't know what she worries about
I'm not stick thin, i'm not even thin
i have enough fat in me to survive
for a month. =( i hate my body!


Current Location: My Room
Current Mood: determineddetermined
Current Music: Last resource- Papa Roach
13 October 2008 @ 03:08 pm
 I haven't talked about and is that i'm a cutter
i've being cutting for about 7 months now
But i've being SI for like 11 years
Why am i so self destructive?
Don't know but i like it
I binged this past weekend so now
i'm fasting for about 2 days
My grandma's B-day is wednesday
and we'll go out and of curse
i'm gonna have to cover up
and eat at dinner time
but i wont eat breakfast or anything else!
well, wish me luck!
Current Location: my place
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: Chameleon Boy-Blue October
10 October 2008 @ 11:02 am
  Ok so today is day 2 on my fasting
yesterday i only ate 25 or 35 calories
and didn't go to the gym, i was tired
and went to bed earlier than usually
today i weight myself and have lost 
a pound, what a freaking disappointment
Maybe it's because i haven't being to the gym
in 2 days and my body is such a freaking mess
it got leazy and forgot or don't want to loose weight!
but i'm going to the gym tonight,tomorrow
and hopefully sunday.

One thing that is freaking me out
besides not loosing weight
is that i gave myself permission
to eat whatever i want
because i wanna keep myself 
sane. But it doesn't work so well
i mean i eat like a pig
try not to feel guilty
and tell myself that i won't gain that much weight
which in fact i didn't but i guess
i could have lost more weight if i didn't 
binge. And of course i feel so frealing guilty
it's not even funny.

I binged wednesday and thought that i didn't gained weight
and did gain a pound which i lost yesterday
and hopefully i won't eat a thing today
but it's nerve racking the fact that i have to go shopping and 
my mom is going to buy cookies
[those that comes ready to bake]
and i like them so freaking much...

I'm staying strong but i need help
for this weekend!!!
what can i do!?

I don't wanna eat but i do at the same time....
i'm going mental here.

Well guys,
Current Location: home
Current Mood: crazycrazy
Current Music: Out of my head-Ashlee Simpson
09 October 2008 @ 01:00 pm
So far i've lost 13 pounds
but yesterday was a nightmare
i binged!
And it sucks!
while eating i fell the food invading my
body and today i'm bloated
and when i weighted myself ths morning
it seems like i didn't gain weight
but i'm sure i gained 1 or 2 pounds.
Today and tomorrow i'm going to fast
work out for like 2 hours and hit the sauna for a few minutes.
i'm only able to drink coffee, chew gum, and drink tons of water
but because i'm feeling sleepy i'm going to take a nap later
and go to bed early
My punishment i mean lesson of the day is to write down
"Empty is pure,starvation is  the cure" 
times my weight which would have being easier if i were thin
and if i feel like eating,i'll write down 
"Ask yourself-Do you really wan that food 
more than you want to be skinny!?"

the same amount of my weight. So i guess i'll think twice about eating about
eating whatever is on my mind.
Also i'm going to read some quotes (Pro ana of course!) so i stay on track.
Also i have a mini thinspiration book that i carry on w/ me all day...
Hopefully, i'll lose between 4 and 6 pounds....
Current Location: home
Current Mood: determineddetermined
Current Music: Crawling-Linkin Park
08 March 2008 @ 01:45 pm
i really need a journal because right now i'm going through a lot of stuff and it's hard because they don't want me to do ti and i want to do it  like i really like cutting and see blood it relaxes me and they want me to stop it and sometimes i want to stop but ....i just can't
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: green day-holiday